Battle for the Relic: Ork Report

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ork-emblem-battle-reportWith the Orks tying for victory in our recent epic mission of siege the relic; Orks vs Space Marines vs Astra Militarum; the following communication was intercepted and translated from brutish Ork (Submitted by Andy P)

So ere’s ow it went, a bunch of them puny umans rocked up, some wearing tough blue skin, the others well, they was dead squishy. They was well up for grabbing one of our big meks bits of gubbins for sum reason, but we wasn’t avin none of it. Grotsnag the mekboy was bringing some toys to da fight, so to not get well killed straight off (cos dem umans was a bit shooty, although the dakka weren’t all that) we kept to a corner, but boss Gutbleeda had a kunnin plan, well that’s what his grot “Baldrik” said anyways… The umans got the drop on us and started to move forward, well the blue ones did, the squishy one hid like a bunch a snotlins. Grotsnag fired up iz shokk attak gun he aimed it proper, fings was looking good, den der was dis oooooge bang, and all that was left was sum boots, most of us finks Grotsnag bottled it, but I rekons he blewed imself up.

Anyways Skullkruncha and iz boys zoomed forward on der truk, but dem blue boys killed da trukk wiv der flyin do dat, but Skullkruncha being a promising sort just legged it towardz da relic. Den rarvur amusingly day blue boys and da squishy ones started killing each over, wiv der tanks, it was a sight to behold and we well enjoyed it loads, speshully when da squishy ones called in some elp from da cruisers up in space wiv da big dakka. Skuzzgob da painboy and iz ladz den legged it forward wiv an idea about avin a punch up wiv da squishy ones on our right, dey shot at us with der lazer pointers but dey only killed a few boyz so was totally worth it.

Da boyz from da trukk along wiv Gutbleedas unit den legged it forward wiv Skullkrunchas lads taking da prize, we was all well chuffed. It was den dat der dirty blue buggerz Boss came at Gutbleeda and iz lads, I fink e made a rarvur big mistake cos Gutbleeda did just dat and gutted im infront of iz lads, laugh we all nearly cried it was so funny. But den the ded ard blue boys in da mega armour minced up Skullkrusha and is lads, it was a bit sad, but they shoulda legged it quicker. It was den dat da boss disappeared under mysterious sircumstanzes, der was a big boom and lots a smoke, and again just some boots laying there, we reckons e legged it off with Grotsnag for an early dinner.

Skuzzgob den laid into da first unit of squishy umans, dey didn’t put up much of a fight, dey die real easy, so dey carried on after da squishy boss, scaring em away, to da point we was well behind der linez, we found lotz of imperialz gubbins to kustomiz ar stuff. Finally big berfa got in on fings ( I fink da mek needs to work on making da gunz more killy) squelching da blue mega armour boyz , and den well sneeky like da squishy ones tank ad a pop from behind, so berfa turned round and ripped of its turret in a well crunchy manner. Da umans then seemd to get scared and ran away from den on, I reckonz given anova hour we coulda ad em all, but as waz we ad a damn good day out killin stuff and shooting lotsa dakka.

To hear what the “blue ‘umans” had to say about the fight, head over to the Space Marine battle report submitted by Paul S.

The full battle write up can be found here.

Paul Joyce

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